Stop Trying To Fix Grief
It hurts when someone offers up advice that’s impossible to follow.
There is a common theme that comes up, like clockwork, in the grief support groups I belong to online.
Someone will describe an encounter they had with a friend or family member or even a trusted therapist — a person who generally has the griever’s best interest at heart. This person will advise the bereaved that it’s time to stop grieving.
The advice comes from a place of concern, but also discomfort, and (let’s be honest) impatience. The words people use to communicate how they think someone else is managing their grief aren’t always straightforward. But grievers understand their meaning and we feel pressured to comply.
The advice comes in an endless variety of flavors. I’ll paraphrase a few of them:
It’s time to move on.
Your child would want you to be happy.
You can have another baby.
Let him or her go. (I wish I was kidding with this one)
You need to get over it.
This is just a bump in the road.
You can choose to embrace life and be happy.
