How a 4th grade science project taught me to write about the moon. October 1, 2010 | 3:30 pm | Last Quarter Phase My daughter arrives home from school with a slim notebook covered with photos that represent the night — owls, a gibbous moon cut from white paper, a…

On having faith, and giving permission to let go — “How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again.” — Henry Scott Holland Dear Mom, The light is different here. If you saw how this place shines, I think you’d stop worrying about me. The light connects the landscape to every part of itself. It moves…

According to the American Cancer Society, about 600 adolescents, aged 15 to 19, die from cancer each year. In 2017, my daughter, Ana, was one of them. Ana was sick for four and a half years. During most of that time, even as her cancer progressed, I didn’t think that…

My daughter, Ana, had many dying wishes when she was 15, but topping her list of wants was a puppy. And not just any puppy. Ana wanted a tiny dog, the kind that fits inside a teacup. She’d always loved tiny things, plus she was a bit afraid of dogs. …

I saw a male Eastern Bluebird in my yard last week, five days before what would’ve been my daughter Ana’s 21st birthday. I thought it was a sign from her. The bluebird was perched in our Catalpa Tree, above the bluebird box that we’d installed several years ago. Until then…

Every year they come to my yard and help make my heavy grief lighter. My daughter, Ana, wanted to get a hummingbird tattoo before she died, but tattoos are illegal for children under 16 in New York State. She was 15 years old and it didn’t look likely that she’d…

After five years of grieving my daughter, I wonder if I’m capable of being part of the world in any meaningful way. — I’m an introvert, prone to isolating myself even before the pandemic. It’s difficult for me to reach out to friends and family (much less make new friends) when I need companionship and support. I often don’t recognize that I need other people around until I’ve already sunk into a deep…

Why I finally canceled Amazon Prime — I made my first purchase on Amazon twenty-five years ago. The retail giant has been efficiently mining my shopping addiction ever since. That’s longer than I’ve been married. In fact, my very first purchase on Amazon was a book about planning a wedding, an order I placed on October 23…

Grief whispers, “No one likes the birds but you.” The birds are waiting for me when I wake up, perched in the nectarine tree where the feeders hang. I wonder if the neighbors notice their chatter. Grief whispers, “No one likes the birds but you.” “I don’t care,” I tell…