9 months of breastfeeding is incredible. If you switched her to the bottle today (not that I'm saying you should), you will always have that success. I only breastfed Ana for six weeks before giving up because I was working full-time and just couldn't do it. I didn't have the opportunity with Emily because she had no palate which meant I'd need to pump and then bottle feed breast milk - no way I was doing that while attempting to travel to and from NYC. What I'm saying is - what works for you and your baby is what works for you and your baby. There are no wrong answers! Also, you're amazing and you are not a failure and this is not silly and I'm sorry it's so hard.